Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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