was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
