She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
