I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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