I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
