My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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