I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
