You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
