I am full of burrito and curiosity
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
