Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
