he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
