First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
