can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
