my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I lost the right to judge tonight
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
