why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
