yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
