The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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