just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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