Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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