Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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