I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
