I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
