Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
