we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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