I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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