you would pick up someone in the library
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
