Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
