saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
