i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
