I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
