Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
