you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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