Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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