im about as happy as oj after his trial
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
