True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
