Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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