Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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