He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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