you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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