Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
