I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
