it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
