Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
