She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
