this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
