hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
