you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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