you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
