Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
