chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I supernannyed him into submission
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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