Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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