Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
