i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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