tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
