dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
