Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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