Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
