Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
